It's been awhile

I haven't posted in awhile for several reasons but that's not why I'm posting tonight. I am usually a pretty easy going , happy go lucky guy, who never seems to have a worry in the world but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult for me. There have been quite a few events that have led to a huge amount of anger and resentment that I just can't shake.
I guess my problem is that I don't have anyone that I can really talk to about what is going on and I just keep it bottled up. Yes, I have friends but not any I feel comfortable with to talk about what the hell is going on inside of me.  I'm the one that is always there for others to lend a shoulder to cry on, offer help, or to just be a sounding board.  Hell, I'm the one that everyone thinks has it all together.  What they don't know is that I'm an absolute freaking mess who really doesn't like who I am right now.
I've tried books, websites, blogging for nobody to read, and some other self destructive means to help sort it out but the anger and resentment just won't go away. I've been told to just get over it but I can't because of all of the constant reminders,triggers, and no real closure on some issues. I wish I could just forget about it and pretend nothing every happened. Damn, how I've tried but for some reason I can't. 
Probably the best I've felt was sitting for 5 hours getting my tattoo.  The physical pain felt so freaking good.  It was kind of liberating from all of the mental anguish that brews inside. The other thing that helps is putting on my ipod and escaping with my tunes.
Yes, I'm constantly thinking about my next tattoo, what should I put on my ipod next, and for ways to escape, if only for a little while...

They Just Don't Get It. Part 2

What do you do when people just don't get it? I guess what I'm saying is you have a confrontation, a falling out, or a fight and then the person you have the problem with acts like nothing ever happened.  What in the heck do you do?  Do you move on like nothing happened or do you bring it up and try to work it out? I've had one of those situations and not really sure how to deal with it because I'm not okay with acting like nothing happened.

They just don't get it

I deal with all kinds of people and it just amazes me how some of them just don't get it.  Parents who are experts (just ask them) but in reality they haven't a clue.  Those who are unhappy about things in their life and they do nothing to improve it except complain and maintain a negative attitude.  Those who have everything going for them a good relationship, a loving family, a good job but yet they are willing to throw it all away for selfish reasons and taking it all for granted.  The teenagers I deal with have a some what legitimate excuse in that they don't look any further ahead than tomorrow and are all wrapped up in the present.  I wish the adults could get it sorted out.

Making Cuts

Its time to make cuts for my high school soccer team and I'm having a tough time with the decision. I have several players who have been with the program for a while but they just haven't figured it out.  They were told about the things that we had issues with and needed to improve on but they haven't really done anything to make themselves or the situation better. There's been no sense of urgency to improve or change, they're too self centered, over committed with other things, and I think they think its expected that I will keep them around.  My question is - Do I keep them around or do I cut ties?

Anniversary

Well tomorrow is our 15th Wedding Anniversary and I have a bit of a dilema.  I have been searching the Hallmark stores for weeks for the perfect anniversary card.  I haven't found one yet that really hits my feelings for my wife just right.  I have one but its not really what I've been looking for and I guess what I'm asking is it wrong to get a blank card and fill it in?
I've been looking for that special card that mentions all the memories, the near future ahead, and beyond.  I haven't found it and I can honestly say that I have been to Hallmark stores from Jacksonville to Greensboro looking.  I hope Alison understands.

Family Visit

Thanks Pop, Gator, Mike, Melissa, and Cole for a great couple of days. We've gone site seeing in Beaufort and Wilmington, got banged up at Ducks, have eaten a lot of great food, and most importantly we were together. I am very thankful for the family I have and even with all of our quirks I wouldn't have it any other way.

What if?

Do you ever wonder how your life would be different? I wonder sometimes what if I was able to student teach the first time around. What if I was a better person to my high school sweetheart? What if I was able to stay in the Marine Corps? What if I went to Florida after UNCW?
Sometimes I really try to imagine what my life would be like today if some of these things or decision were made differently?