I haven't posted in awhile for several reasons but that's not why I'm posting tonight. I am usually a pretty easy going , happy go lucky guy, who never seems to have a worry in the world but the past 2 years have been extremely difficult for me. There have been quite a few events that have led to a huge amount of anger and resentment that I just can't shake.
I guess my problem is that I don't have anyone that I can really talk to about what is going on and I just keep it bottled up. Yes, I have friends but not any I feel comfortable with to talk about what the hell is going on inside of me. I'm the one that is always there for others to lend a shoulder to cry on, offer help, or to just be a sounding board. Hell, I'm the one that everyone thinks has it all together. What they don't know is that I'm an absolute freaking mess who really doesn't like who I am right now.
I've tried books, websites, blogging for nobody to read, and some other self destructive means to help sort it out but the anger and resentment just won't go away. I've been told to just get over it but I can't because of all of the constant reminders,triggers, and no real closure on some issues. I wish I could just forget about it and pretend nothing every happened. Damn, how I've tried but for some reason I can't.
Probably the best I've felt was sitting for 5 hours getting my tattoo. The physical pain felt so freaking good. It was kind of liberating from all of the mental anguish that brews inside. The other thing that helps is putting on my ipod and escaping with my tunes.
Yes, I'm constantly thinking about my next tattoo, what should I put on my ipod next, and for ways to escape, if only for a little while...
